My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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