Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
