I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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