I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
