If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
