Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
