...so i touched it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
