It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
