dude i'm inner monologue high
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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