I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
