I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
