um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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