I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
