When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
