elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
