so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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