do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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