It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
