Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
