I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
