All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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