he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
