I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
