You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
