He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
