wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
