too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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