we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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