i was born a porn star she said
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
