If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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