So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
