plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
