Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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