So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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