my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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