Don't you send me to vm
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
