You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We named our party play list daddy issues
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
