Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
