I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
