You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
