some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
