He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
