I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
