Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
