im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
