He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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