I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
