I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
