Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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