mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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