I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
