I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
