If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
