That's intense
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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