census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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