I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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