I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
