He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i out mim tonsoeep
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