I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
