One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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