it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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