In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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