Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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