SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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