You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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