Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
